The Monkey And The Cue Ball
So there’s this bartender, and he’s cleaning up the bar, just getting ready for the next group of people to come in. Just cleaning up, a bartender.
Bar opens up, bartender looks up to see who’s coming in and it’s a man. And on his shoulder is a little monkey – a little capuchin monkey. It’s got a little collar on it, a little leash.
The man with the monkey on his shoulder walks up to the bar and sits down and says, “Bartender, I’ll take a drink, a beer.” The bartender says, “Sure, sure thing, coming right up.”
So, he gets the man a beer and opens it and sets it down in front of him and the man takes a drink of it. The bartender is looking at this monkey and he says “ So, uh, what’s the deal with this monkey?” The man says, “Well, he is my pet monkey. I usually take him around, he is a pretty cool monkey. I take him around town and we just enjoy each others’ company.”
Bartender says, “Well, if you want, you can let him off of his leash and let him run around the bar, he seems pretty docile.” The man says, “Oh no no no, no I can’t do that. The monkey is unpredictable. I have to keep him on a leash and a collar.” The bartender says, “No, look around, this is a bar, we have fights in here all the time, drinks are spilled,” he says. “I don’t think this monkey can damage the bar.” And the man says, “Well, alright. Just know that if anything happens, this monkey does anything, you can’t hold me liable.” The bartender says, “Whatever, go ahead and unleash him.” And pretty much the second that the man unleashes that monkey, the monkey jumps down off of his shoulder, scurries across the floor and jumps up onto the nearest pool table and runs over and grabs the cue ball. He shoves that cue ball down his throat and swallows it whole.
The bartender says, “What the hell is that all about?” He’s like, “You know, I’m going to have to buy a new cue ball for the table there. I didn’t think he was going to do that.”
The man says, “Well, I told you.” Bartender says, “Well, you should probably take the monkey and leave, I don’t need that to happen again.”
So, the man goes over to the table and puts the monkey back on his shoulder and hooks the leash back onto the collar and out they go.
About a week later, the bartender is sitting there cleaning up the bar, tending bar, and the door opens up and the man walks in with the monkey on his shoulder, it’s got a leash on him.
He sits down and the bartender says, “Oh, no no no no, man, the last time that monkey was here he swallowed a cue ball and I had to buy a new one, and you know.. I don’t need that.”
The man says, “Well, you know what? He’s not like that anymore. He’s learned his lesson, he’s not going to eat anymore cue balls.” The bartender says, “You know, I hate to see him there chained up. I don’t like to see animals leashed up like that. So, I guess you can unleash him, but hold on. If you do, let me just get something out so he will go for that instead of my cue ball.”
The bartender reaches under the bar pulls out a big basket of fruit and sets it on the bar. He says, “If he is going to go for anything, he’ll go for this fruit and that’s fine.”
So, the man unleashes the monkey and sure enough, the monkey jumps right off onto the bar, scurries across the bar and goes over to the fruit bowl and pops a little grape and looks at it, then turns around and sticks the little grape up its ass and pulls it back out and then he eats it. The bartender is like, “Jesus man, that was disgusting. Why the hell did he do that?”
The man says, “Well, ever since he ate that cue ball, he’s learned to measure his food before he eats it.”
